The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions review are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, closeness, and love .

However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay men want to learn from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance anchor your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!

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